work hard, hard work.

Okay, I know I don’t post often (that’s partly due to me having nothing to share) but I’m trying to make this (hopefully!) a biweekly thing. I hope I find the commitment in me to accomplish this goal! But then again, if you continue reading this post, you’ll realise I am quite bad at that.

First thing first, I’m generally a lazy person. Since getting out of school, I realised that I am such a lazy person! I wish I was motivated to do more things. I don’t know why I am like this. I have lots of energy, Ask anyone. Multiple times by multiple different people who have never known each other, have called me an energizer bunny. (Also, that was horrendous english, but I can’t seem to correct it. Basically, I’m lazy to). Even at my work now, I’m notoriously lazy. Most of the time, I’m on youtube or snacking some yupi burgers. As an IB student and as a daughter in general, I’ve learnt two VERY IMPORTANT things to get me through life. Bullshitting/Pretending I have done more work than I actually did/Expanding the work I did to make it seem like I’m hardworking and last minute work. This two skills, hand in hand, has made me what I am today. A lazy ass pig. But, today! I have decided to put all more lazy ass days aside, and start actually doing stuff in the office. I also found out, I have loads of work! and saying I never had work to do was just a lazy excuse. This change was brought about by two things, 1) I’m getting (to put it simply) fatter. Now, I’m not saying I’m fat (cause I hate girls who do), I’m just saying I’m fatt-ER than before. This is due to my lazy-eat-sleep-eat-sleep-repeat lifestyle which I’m trying to curb. 2), Today someone prayed for me and thanked God for all my hard work. Now, I’m not a super religious person and I ain’t no churchie mcchurchkins but daaaaaaamnnn, that made me feel guilty. So I now, pledge myself to myself and the few readers on my blog, that I will work hard at work and not be such a lazy ass. So, there!

Another thing, this is just a side thing but I finally found out I am going to college this year! I have been afraid not to be accepted anywhere as the deadline of April 1st approaches but lo and behold, a school actually wants me! So if all of my other schools decide to reject me, I know, I at least will have somewhere to go to have a good university education. The school that has accepted me is also giving me a scholarship and a free trip to shanghai! Which is great and where I will be going in April. I hope I get to meet some interesting people there and just enjoy myself in China! I have not been there for so long!

Finally, I recently watch Forget Paris by Billy Crystal (He acted, directed and produced this movie) and I tell you, it has made me reevaluate my life. It’s a movie filled with so much truth. Now, I’m not going to talk about it as a movie review but more of the insights shared about relationships in general. You see, the movie had a happy ending but I couldn’t find it in myself to BE happy. In the movie, this couple first met in Paris and had the most romantic, wonderful time. They eventually get married and they have to go through the ups and downs of married life like jobs, time away, him always traveling, her father staying with them, them just not communicating in general. In truth, I think it scared me. We like to think as marriage as the end point of a relationship, a goal we must all try to reach as a couple. But marriage is part of the process, not a result. We are all illusioned (that’s not a real word, imagine the opposite of disillusioned) with the idea of marriage and sometimes completely mistake a wedding for a marriage. We go into a marriage with all the WRONG expectations of each other, just like in the movie. He wanted his marriage to be just like Paris but that’s absolutely ridiculous to expect that. Paris was their romantic courting period, it’s almost unfair to expect that. That’s why FORGET PARIS. I think so many people nowadays go into marriage with the wrong expectations and when the significant other cannot meet up to the expectations, it’s a ‘you’ve changed’ or a ‘I don’t know who you are anymore’ or a ‘you used to be so romantic!’ which can also be intepretated as a ‘you don’t care for me anymore’ which can lead to ‘you don’t love me anymore’ to a ‘I don’t love you anymore’ to a say hello, to your divorced papers. Okay, not all marriages end that way but seriously, if people just lowered their expectations, people be MUCH happier in life and their relationships. 

But this movie also made me reexamine my own life. Mickey and Ellen (Billy Crystal and Debra) were so utterly happy and so utterly sad. They were both in the wrong and both in the right! And their problems kepted on resurfacing and resurfacing such that it became a vicious cycle where they were together then the separated then they were together and were separated. And I just thought to myself, how tiring is that?! To have to keep working and struggling at this relationship. It’s almost like, why save a sinking ship? This is probably the view taken by most marriages on the rocks. Why continue like this? I mean, logically, marriage and romantic relationships make no sense at all. Seriously, there is not much gain but so much pain (also, that rhymed :D). I guess, the movie made me more cynical to life and relationships and it made me think about my life and my (or lack thereof) love life. If I wanted to commit to someone, it better damn well be someone worth committing to. It made me think twice of the flippancy that I have given to relationships. It’s bloody hard work. I always knew that but man oh man, to see it from both sides is so different. I guess, I’m still a little bit cynical and feeling abit hopeless at the world right now. But there’s always hope!

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