Growing up

After 6 months of leaving school, I first realised that all my friends are changing. After realising that, I realised I was changing too. Maybe changing isn’t the right word, it was more like growing up. First, I saw more friends more liberal, more segregated from before where the institutionalisation of school forced everyone to interact with one another and play nice. Without the social structure of school, they could now choose not to interact with others. It was interesting to see how everyone divided. If school ended on any other time in our school lives, would the separation of friends be different?

These past few months, I’ve seen my friends grow up from the kids they once were. They are interacting with the world around them and they are challenged intellectually and emotionally and morally. Maybe I just never noticed them becoming adults. They really have grown up.

I think what was most surprising for me was that I have changed too. I’m more tolerant, more worldly, more experienced. and less judgemental of people. It’s crazy fast how half a year has gone by (I know we say that every year) but in about 1 month, I’m flying off to shanghai to start my college experience. And I am shit scared. I’ve talked about this before but now that the day is coming closer. I’m getting more and more nervous and anxious of my future. What will I be like in college? will I have friends? how will I change? What will I be like after 4 years? I have so many plans now, go to shanghai, do at least a semester in New York and London, do integrated humanities or chemistry, finish college, start working, meet somebody hopefully. The more and more I think about it, the more I realise I’m not ready. I’m not ready to step out into this world and be on my own. It’s absolutely terrifying and I get this anxious fluttering in my heart thinking about it. I have to complete my visa, my bank accounts, reading list, bills, school books, placement tests, photos for IDs. It’s all extremely stressful and terrifying. I hope it gets better.